Unrivaled Jokes About Upcoming Pac-12 Conference Call
SALT LAKE CITY, Utah – The Pac-12 Conference announced an upcoming conference call with conference commissioner Larry Scott and CEO Philip DiStefano on Monday.
In the call, Scott and DiStefano are expected to give updates from that day’s conference board meeting, provide the conference’s financial results for 2017 and 2018 and take questions from the media.
The Pac-12 Conference and Scott in particular, have been the subject of public scrutiny for perceived mismanagement and misuse of funds. For example, Scott drew plenty of criticism in March for booking a $7,500 per night hotel room in Las Vegas for his personal use during the conference basketball tournament. The news of Scott’s lavish lodgings followed a report that suggested that the Pac-12 was well behind the rest of the Power 5 conferences in terms of revenue.
With the conference and commissioner’s struggling reputation in mind, the team at KSL’s Unrivaled came up with a list of the 10 wildest announcements they expect to hear in Monday’s conference call.
Note: This list is meant to be satirical. Think David Letterman’s Top 10 Lists.
10. Pac-12 will no longer allow use of plastic grocery bags.
Several U.S. states have moved to outlaw plastic grocery bags in an effort to be more eco-friendly. Could the Pac-12 be next?
9. Every UCLA home game will be known as the 2019 Rose Bowl, brought to you by Samsung.
It’s a way to build excitement and generate revenue, two things the Pac-12 is desperately lacking.
8. OJ Simpson will be the grand marshal of the Rose Bowl Parade.
It’s been long enough, right?
7. Larry Scott will announce an extension of his Rolex contract.
“He’s going to start putting them on his ankles,” joked Unrivaled co-host Scott Mitchell.
6. In light of the college admission scandals, the Pac-12 will announce guaranteed admission to Utah and Washington State for the next five years.
“Oh wait, that’s already happening,” laughed co-host Alex Kirry.
5. Due to financial cutbacks, the Pac-12 staff will take a 20 percent cut on their daily champagne and caviar rations.
It’s a tough economy. Everyone has to make sacrifices.
4. Praying as team before and after games is no longer allowed…unless the prayer is directed towards Larry Scott.
A large part of the Pac-12 plays in a liberal part of the country, so it makes sense. Yet, there is a little wiggle room if the proper credit is given.
3. Larry Scott will henceforth be referred to as “His Greatness.”
The “commissioner” title is so 2018.
2. In an attempt to boost revenue, the conference will partner with McDonald’s and be rebranded as the “Mac-12.”
Who doesn’t love McDonald’s?
1. The Pac-12 Conference will report an increase in revenue over the Mountain West by exactly $20.
“Take that, the mtn. network!” – the Pac-12 Network.